hi there ladies,

At last I find time to post. Of course, they had to aneathetise me and tie me to a bed before I did it! I was in hospital for 8 days - god that sounds a lot as a write it. In the end I became a bit of an old hand.. It's amazing what people had done to themselves - people who've stuck their hands in lawn mowers, people who have asymmetric breasts and are having them made symmetrical, tummy tucks, people who've cut their hands chipping ice, leg flab reduction and then a few people like me. i can't quite believe the current debate about the NHS, I think it's an amazing institution staffed full of people as or more dedicated than those working in conservation. My surgeon was in all weekend and did two consecutive days of 11 hours of surgery. i find that amazing. I'm also pleased I was on the table first rather than at the end of an 11 hour day!! I'm thanking my lucky stars I didn't follow through and become a medic when I was thinking about it ten years ago, there's no way I'd have a life outside work!

I met a lady who has cancer with a pretty poor outlook and we were talking about what she was planning to do. She's decided to go travelling to see places like Prague and Barcelona - places that international jet setters have been to loads. When she asked me my plans i found that there was nothing material I wanted, nowhere I massively wanted to do, i just wanted the little things - to watch a good film with Stu, to share a laugh with friends, to play with the puppy and to see our garden unfold with beauty as the years go by. Notice there are no birds in that list! Oh, and maybe do a bit of diving somewhere warm, tropical and relaxing....

Being half German i can't hope to be as lyrical in my writing as Zoe or Mon. but here's my thoughts for the week. I love Zoe's 'lessons learned' this week so I'm going to add a few:

- imagination is man's greatest asset and greatest curse, without it we would be nowhere near as advanced as a species as we are, but it ties us up in knots and wastes a huge amount of time and energy using it to imagine terrible things that don't actually come to pass - what I haven't learned is how to overcome this!
- never stick your hand anywhere near lawn mower blades when the lawn mower is on
- never chip away at freezer ice with a knife, just defrost it (that almost came out just deforest it!)
- people on the whole are wonderful

Things to do?
- have a glass of dry, chilled white wine in the beautiful evening light
- break a habit of a lifetime, if you're a work aholic (and that's all of us!) do less, if you spend to much time looking after others, look after yourself this weekend

Can't believe teh summer is beginning to fade. There'll be cherry blossom on the cherry tree again before we know it!

Lots of love and hugs
Lxx

Talking about delight...

Inspired by Zobo's post and totally sympathising with it, I just thought I'd share a picture of my sheer delight in our sugar loaded urban world... the colours, the light, the buzz, the people, the noise... got love it!

As I watch the cat sleep (tummy up - how funny!) and enjoy a bucket size coffee cup from a far land (fairtrade and organic) and read posts from inspired beautiful away land, I muse... Life is good!

Yes... there is stress... I am still not sure if my life is stressful or if I stress my life, guess the later is more like it! But like Zo I believe that the miracle of life is in the details and the little things.

So raise your latte ladies and here is to the little things in life; to sugar coated colourful things; to cats naps, knicker washing and try not to stress your life thinking to hard about tomorrow!

Missing you all loads :)

Mons xxxx

mutterings of nonsense

Dearest Ladies,

Today I have been doing a wonderful job of feeling rather sorry for myself. I have moped for no particular reason, fretted about my state of confusion regarding the future, dwelled on the physical distance between myself and the most important people in my life (which include your-dear-selves) and generally muttered despondently into my manky powder mix ‘caffe latte’.

I have come to the conclusion, having raised myself from ‘down in the dumps’ to ‘climbing out of the dumps’, that I am clearly being a lame fool and need a good kick up the arse. I have also established that my western ways are so deeply engrained in my being that it takes just one latte in one ‘Central Perk-type’ coffee shop for me to perk up and feel back in touch with my ‘homeland’. How crushingly embarrassing. And there I’ve been, munching rice with my fingers, sipping tea with 10 teaspoons of sugar (no, it’s not nice), and babbling away in foreign language (though not well enough to correct my horrid mistakes)…feeling like I’m quite getting the hang of all this… only to find that my inner-Starbucks is alive and fighting not to be forgotten. The shame… ;o)

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if I have cultivated a personality that can’t reconcile its competing interests. Wanderlust and homebody are a funny mixture. And the further I feel from being in a position to decide what I want next, the more I seem to fret about it. I think I’m going to revert a little back to fate. Try to listen to the external signals, instead of expecting all the answers to come from inside… because if there are any answers coming from me, then they are so quiet that I can’t hear them….

But things are going well. I can now comfortably leave the house without my dictionary and not panic. This is good, as I spent the first few weeks in fear of losing it and being totally lost. I have also just done my timesheet… for the first time in 2.5 months (Marianne, I promise to be very good at it from now on!), put in an expenses claim, received the deposit back from the house I moved out of in January. It’s funny how getting on top of ones administration (darling) can be a very nice feeling sometimes.

Anyway, today serves to remind me particularly of one great truth about life. Things change, and they can change quickly. So if we are feeling down, as sure as anything we should not focus on feeling bad, because the roller coaster will take us in a different direction soon, to happy times to be made the most of.

Anyway, don’t worry I’m not quitting the day job to become an amateur philosopher. I’m going to stop spouting random thoughts and get back to immediate challenges. I need to get back to the hostel somehow, and wash some knickers for the rest of the week…

Lots & lots of love & hugs,

Zo xxxxxxxxxx

One step backward, two steps forward

Hey cherries,

How are you all?

I’m feeling bloggish just now. It’s been a loooooooong day. Suddently I feel like I’m working at this microscopic level (compared to what I’m used to), and it still feels like it takes forever to get anything done. I talked to my Dad for a long time last night. Sometimes I forget how long he worked here for. It’s amazing how similar our experiences and emotions about our work are. He said to focus small…that little successes are really important. I think I’m in that lull patch, where I can’t sit in a snug little bubble of ‘just got here, still working things out’, but I really still am ‘still working things out…whilst feeling high pressure to deliver’.

Today I had to take an ojek (motorbike taxi) to a village out in the Kerinci Valley, to ease the concerns of the NGO Network ‘Chairman’ who had misunderstood why I was meeting another NGO in the group. I felt so much better when I had spent half an hour in his living room having discussed all his concerns (there’s plenty of politics between local NGOs trying to work together here – just a microcosm of us silly old BINGOs sometimes struggling to cooperate constructively), and found a solution. Us human beings are just like robins I feel… fiercely territorial and terrified of losing control, or being forgotten. I definitely have robin tendencies… but I strive towards being more like a meerkat… what we need is for the NGOs to behave like a family of meerkats, each taking turns to look out for threats, while the others get on with doing other useful things (like campaigning against illegal activities or working with communities on forest protection). Hmmm, the more I think about it, the more I think I need a really great pic of a meerkat family as a visual aid – can anyone help?

What I have really learned in the last few days and weeks (I guess I knew it before, but it’s come home more recently) is that sending out distress calls, or just asking for help can make me feel so much stronger. Sometimes I feel small and useless that I can’t do everything myself. Then I kick myself, because I feel so much more effective and satisfied when I can join forces with others. Librans are meant to be diplomatic and balance things (or do they just swing from one end of the scales to the other – as per my love life ;o) Sometimes I think we have a tendency to try to balance too much, and forget that the Libran scales are metaphorical, and if I want to have more arms on the scales and join forces with others to balance things… well, that sounds like a much more friendly plan with more scope for a good time.

Clearly I’m rambling here. But this is a blog, and so I can be self-indulgent, no?

Next thing is to say thank you, so much, one and all, for being such supportive cherries and listening to my rambles or sending lovely messages. I love you and miss you all.

Looking forward to speaking soon, and reading all your posts…

A few suggested activities this week:

- Smell a scented English rose

- Take a puppy for a walk (haha, yes Lisa, that ones for you… though I would love to see some pics of group cherry tree Noss walking

- Eat Haagen Daaz pralines & cream

- Back up your computer (mine’s playing silly buggers at the moment)

- Book a holiday!

Zo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just loving the blog!

This so much nicer than I imagined... just really love reading about how everyone is doing and it is just crazy to think about how our lives can take us to all these different paths, full of challenging machinery and fluffy creatures :)

My updates for the week are:

• Gotta love Cambridge in the Summer! Just so awesome to see all the window boxes full of flowers, people dressed up everywhere for the May balls and the sun shining, just lovely!
• Work has been great, keeping me really busy (which works for me) and maybe taking multitasking to a different level. Iam off to Paris tomorrow for BBOP and really looking forward to it!
• I am also very excited to meet Noss when I get back from Paris and had some giggles with Lisa with a late plan of tricking Stuey in suggesting some very girly names for the dog, like: teacup or petal... but Lisa assured me that he would have seen through it (I bet!)
• Finally the sales are on (Oh dear!).... I have already hit the shops and my plan to do some saving went out of the window.... oh well!

Zo - we miss you loads hon! Can't believe you all this amazing wildlife at your feet, please post some pictures!

Look forward to hearing everyone else's news!

Lots of love

M xxxxxx

Space to think...

Hey lovelies,

How are you all?

I’m sorry it’s been ages since I wrote… it’s been weird, it was almost easier not to write as I have to get used to this world and putting my head back into my home world has almost made it a bit harder. I really thought women were meant to be good at multi-tasking, so where am I going wrong?! But then I realise that this week home sickness has really hit me hard, and even though things are busy here I have to get a better balance with the rest of my life. (…and I have to talk about something other than conservation which, bless her, Deb is not that good at!)

Things are going pretty well. I had my first meeting with nearly all members of the AKAR Network, with 11 representatives attending. 3 days. All in Bahasa Indonesia. Blimey… I’ve slept for most of today to recover! :o) 2 days of it was at a NP post about 12km away from Sungai Penuh, just inside the NP and just the most lovely views of forest. The altitude there must be about 1,300m I think and the cloud movements above the forest are quite dramatic. One morning we heard Siamang gibbons calling to each other, which was magical.

We had the most hilarious journey up there. I had a 5 minute lesson with Deb in her hardtop landrover - you should have heard her holler when I hung onto the clutch for too long and made the whole car stink of burning rubber….ooops. After that it was just me and the NGO folks, and I drove up to the ranger post on my own… hill starts in a cranky old machine with no functioning hand break were reasonably hair-raising, but I’m proud of myself for getting the hang of it (more or less!)

Anyway, in terms of results, I feel like I have a much better idea of what the NGOs want, what they need, and where I should be useful. I have a lot of proposals to write, and I’d better bloody find some money somewhere….!

The rest of life, at the moment, feels like just grabbing some moments of quiet time to recover from work. I’ve bought a guitar though (not that I can play it, yet), plus a Cambridge girl can’t be without a bike for too long, so I’m cruising about on my new steed – not a glorious Dutch creation I’m afraid, but something practical (and luminous yellow!) for the hills.

Please tell me your news! Lisa, Noss is a lovely lovely name for a puppy and I can’t wait to meet him. My sister seems to be getting on well with Milo no.2, in spite of minor panics about booked up puppy training classes… I spoke to her briefly yesterday and she was having lunch at home with the new love of her life… so many puppies! I am trying, and failing, to befriend some small fluffy creature here. It seems all dogs and cats are innately terrified of humans. Plus Deb has a theory that dogs here are very freaked out by bules (westerners) because they think they’re seeing a ghost! I told her that was clearly ridiculous, but it’s bizarre how the dogs, and even ox and buffalo, react much more nervously to me than to local people. Humph.

Ok, I’m now going to make some chips, and buy some yummy BBQ beef from the local warung (food place). Dinner beckons.

Take care guys, I miss you all. And please do the following for me if you can:

• Drink a latte
• Eat anything with parmesan cheese
• Get lots of hugs (real ones, in addition to the virtual ones from me)

Lots and lots of love,

Zo xxxxxxxxxxxxx

hello lovelies... second time lucky... can I master this 21st century technology???

Actually, you know, I'm enjoying the opportunity of getting a bit more practical these days... learning how to work the tiger team GPS units, attempting to mend the front door handle that is basically coming away from the door, and promise of lessons in ojek (motorbike) lessons from the tiger rangers... yes please! don't worry... i promise that, despite my less than celubrious history learning to drive a car, I think I'll be much better with this and I will be very very careful!